Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
