You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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