Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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