I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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