just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
