I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
