he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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