I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
