New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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