need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
