who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im six kinds of drunk right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
