New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
love makes seman taste better
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
