We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
