Just took my morning after pill in the library
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
did i just pee glitter
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
