I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
