you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
