I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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