Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
