The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
