Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
