I faked an abortion last night.
I could make wine with my vomit
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
