Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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