if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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