I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
