The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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