I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
