I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
