The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
