I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
