Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
