I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
