Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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