Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
