And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
