He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
