ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
