glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
