Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
