I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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