Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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