One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
