I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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