Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
