oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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