Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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