Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
