a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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