alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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