I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
