is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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